When we are kids, we often dream of what our futures will hold. We dream of being doctors, police officers, race car drivers, all of what we as children consider the coolest and best jobs. As we grow older, we gain experience in life what we want to do tends to change. I personally still struggle with what I want to do with my life. For years I have always gone back and forth from one crazy idea to another, believing that I was destined for something great, but not long after beginning to attempt to pursue these great things I come across roadblocks. I struggle to find my personal drive to continue pursuing these things. It is almost maddening.
So, I did what came easy to me which was being a mechanic and fabricator. I love fixing mechanical things as well as welding and creating things. I started learning how to weld when I was in middle school, and throughout my life have learned most of the various welding processes. I managed to find a job working on semi-trucks and trailers. Over the course of thirteen years I was able to learn everything from federally required testing on tanker trailers to repairing the engines of the trucks. Having the ability to repair everything involved with semi-trucks from the engines, brakes, product pumps, hydraulic systems, electrical, and pneumatic systems. Having such a large understanding of all systems on a semi-truck made it very easy to find work. Over time I have lost my drive, I lost the love for it. Part of it has to be because it seems like no matter how fast you finish something it is not fast enough. The customers you deal with have a tendency to want everything done yesterday, and for as cheap as possible. When you go as cheap as possible with repairs they generally don’t last very long, and that is when the customer comes back mad. At that point the customer no longer wants to pay for the repairs, they want it done right and they want the mechanic or the shop to cover the cost. Over the years that really began to weigh on me, it makes me feel as if I’m not a good mechanic. I have worked with many mechanics that are still turning wrenches in their sixties and seventies due to the fact there is not much opportunity for mechanics to move up in to management positions or other positions where you are valued more for what you know than what you can physically accomplish. Yes, before someone comes after me, there are companies that are good about promoting mechanics to these positions, but these companies are hard to get into and you need to work there for many years. This is just my experience. Once I got to a point where I dreaded going to work at any shop, I knew I needed to find a new path.
The path I decided to take was going to college. So here I am at thirty-eight years old a freshman in college pursing a degree in philosophy. The reason why I chose to major in philosophy is because throughout my life when I am struggling to find my place in the world I turned to reading philosophy. I feel there is so much useful information provided in so many philosophical writings. It is almost calming for me. The first philosophy book I ever picked up was “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius. Once I started reading it, I could not put it down. I started highlighting passages as well as taking notes on different parts that I found. I started journaling and trying to actually apply the things that I read about. Now that I am in college, I have developed a mentor/mentee relationship with my philosophy professor. The other day I asked if it would be possible for us to meet up and talk. As our conversation progressed it eventually led to me mentioning how I don’t know what I want to do with my life. That is when my professor hit me with a statement that started to make the lightbulb in my brain flicker. He said that I need to stop trying to think of what I want to do and instead be asking myself what I ought to do with my life. This is the type of statement that is so profound it could only come from a philosopher.
You may be asking yourself what the difference between what you want to do and what you ought to do. Well, you are not alone because I found myself asking the same question. Like most people these days I turned to Google to help me figure it out. “Want” implies a desire or a wish; that makes sense because you “want” to be healthy. “Ought to” expresses a sense of moral obligation; we ought to be empathetic to others. Now that clarifies what the difference is between the two but leaves the question what my moral obligation to the world is. Moral obligation is often referred to as a duty when you read different philosophies. In Christianity these duties would be the ten commandments. If you follow Aristotle’s teachings from Nicomachean Ethics your duty is to live a virtuous life. According to Aristotle the way to that is thru what is referred to as the “golden mean”. The “golden mean” refers to finding excellence in the middle between deficiency and excess. To find the mean between deficiency and excess, in my opinion, requires experience.
If my moral obligation is to learn philosophy inside and out, what can I do with that? According to my mentor there is a place for philosophy majors in every profession. The thing about philosophy is that it teaches you more of how to think not what to think. It gives you the skill to look at the world in a very different light. My hope is that as I continue through my education, I can find the drive to excel in all of my classes and not just philosophy. That means I need to dig deep and find the drive to push through all of the moments I don’t want to do anything. As someone who has always struggled with ADHD it gets very difficult to stay focused and push through some of my moods. Since I really enjoy writing, and I seem to have a passion for philosophy is a combination of the two my moral obligation? I guess as of right now only time will tell, and I hope that if writing and philosophy are what I am supposed to be pursuing I will receive some sign from the universe. If you have taken the time to completely read this thank you. I know in today’s world everyone is very busy trying to make it, so everyone who takes the time out of their day for this I really do appreciate you.
The Meandering Mind 